Nobody gets it. Sometimes I’m just anti social. I don’t always want to be bothered with introductions, hellos or goodbyes. I don’t always want to feign a smile or pretend that I care. I awoke wanting to be alone. No, I wasn’t made uncomfortable by a heterosexual couple or by the presence of a man. The children running around the house made no difference either. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts. I didn’t want to be seen by anyone. I wanted, for whatever reason, to lock myself away and experience my emotions alone. I wanted to grieve, to mourn my lonliness. All of the men I meet want but one thing from me or nothing at all. After what I believe to be a great moment has passed I’m punched in the face with the reality that it was all a farce to try and lure me to bed. I’m sad for myself and sad for a world that is so blind. And now angry that even my actions (considered rude or whatever) are misunderstood. It is complex. That’s all I’ve got to say… Silence can be golden as can solitude.

It is a fog lifted, the coming of this new era, the age of the unknown. The unseen becomes clearer by the day. Enlightenment, the enlightened - meant to evolve - love and grow with veracity, an impending connectivity. My eyes have been opened and already I see the patterns of this universe. My mental and spiritual journey has indeed led me here.  All that is at work within the vast and infinite universe is at work within each of us. We are the atoms of the earth, the molecules of existence. We create the tangible. We are gods or perhaps particles of them. For me the truth is revealed in all that I have already been granted. It is not destiny. It is the stream of life, one trickle leading to a larger body. It is the people i have met, the things that I have seen, the truths that I’ve endured that brought me here and I cannot wait to see what the future has in store. I had originally began writing this as a poem, but like life has taught me sometimes you need to allow for divergence. I met someone. I believe we are connected. He inadvertently taught me things. We are all connected anyway. One day we will realise that. My encounter with him is evidence of the truth of it all in itself. I met him and like most who i find myself infatuated with I found myself desiring to be closer to him. With this man the best way was to read his blogs and follow his links. We talked about 2012, zombie day, the singularity, and the esoteric agenda. Things I often discuss with my cousin, who also acts as a cypher of information for me. In my life I’ve been very close with a woman who has worked for the United Nations and has mentored me in many ways. she introduced me to ideas of disarmament, the importance of certain ways of living and thinking. My mother, had always had an interesting wealth of knowledge on the illuminati. When this man began to talk to me about the shift in vibrations of the universe I drunkenly gazed into his eyes. It wasnt until after that I realised the truth of it all. Even growing up I would joking tell freinds how I felt that one day things would be amazing different (for me, but also for everyone). I would say that on my 18th birthday the world would reveal to me that I was meant to be queen of the world or that, like the x-men there will be a dormant gene that will awaken granting me some sort of mutant power (preferably telekineses or shapeshifting). Science has made me a shape shifter of sorts with hormones already, however I dont think I’ll ever been queen of the world. Would I want to? On Decemeber 21st 2012 it is said that we are in for a shift, that there are vibrations of the universe that will ‘awaken’ dormant strands or genes of our DNA, that we are in effect going to endure a mental and physical change. Will this be something that affects everyone or will it only be those who accept it? Those who are prepared or those who are worthy? How does one prepare? What i do know is that I see a pattern in my own life. I see that somehow after so much time, I’ve decided to finally finish college and that will be happening, you guessed it… in December 2012. I’ve grown restless and annoyed with society with each passing day. I grow weary of the ignorance and stupidity of man, the blindness of the masses. Even my being trans is an enlightening experience. my eyes have been opened in so many ways and im inspired by what he who has me smitten said to me, that in the coming year so much will change and so much will be accomplished. I hope he is right, and I hope that he will be in my life then. I would say I’ve never felt this way about someone before but the truth is I have, and I’m almost always disappointed in the long run. I fear this might not be any different, however what is important to take away from this is that each experience leads us somewhere we need to be (if we are open to seeing it that way). I think that I needed to meet him. I can only hope that he and I develop into something more, though in such a short time he has made a huge impact on my life. Cheers to a summer of enlightenment.