2:10 AM, September 6th 2011.

Here I sit. In a room. In front of a computer, one I would have never imagined owning. It is funny; looking back on the past’s events and realising exactly how you got to where you currently are. Would you have expected things to turn out this way? What exactly made you so lucky, or unlucky? Is there even such a thing?

If i was so bold to blatantly state that I believe in fate and destiny then more logical individuals would think me silly. I honestly can’t say, but It is interesting watching things in my life unfold. Yes, I tend to step outside of myself (which is something that I think more people should do). I guess that is what makes me a ‘good writer’, my ability to be objective with almost EVERYTHING. It doesn’t mean I am emotionless, rather I am realistic, honest and observant.  I am sure there are many who might disagree, those same people will also surely tell you I am extremely emotional and on occasion quite irrational, or even dramatic. But this is MY BLOG, so STFU!

Well, as is my character, I digress. I am one lucky former-son of a bitch, or perhaps destined for greatness. I mean, I say all this now, but there was a time when I thought very little of myself and was, in fact, quite depressed. I’d say for the majority of my 27 years on this earth that has been the case (for as long as I was aware of such a thing anyway). Though I am quite content at the moment with the hand Ive been dealt by life, the universe, or God. I am content with where circumstances have landed me and with what opportunities have afforded me. Right here, and right now; I am happy.

But let me introduce myself. My name is Jasmine Yvette McKay, well it is now. As of May 2011, I finally, after about 3 1/2 years, had my name legally changed. They also went ahead and put an ‘F’ on my state I.D. Lucky me! Oh there goes that notion of luck again! I mean, I seriously was in the process of being kicked out of my mother’s house for the 3rd or 4th time. That time was a rather brief stint of a month, where I had to ‘peel’ and dawn men’s clothes, which I hadn’t done in years. It was a condition to being under my mother’s roof. She would allow her son, and not whatever it was I had become, shelter. Even then, I was lucky, though I might not have felt it. I see it now. In fact almost every adverse obstacle I might have endured, in hind sight, was likely a good thing. It makes me who I am.

A brief anecdote; If you have ever seen the show The Misfits, the British sci-fi/comedy series about 5 young offenders who obtain mysterious powers from a hail storm in Asbo, you might recall the moments where they played with the idea of disrupting the time space continuum. Or honestly in almost any science fiction that involves such a thing. Asthon Kutcher’s The Butterfly Effect for instance shows us that sometimes bad things have to happen in order for the future (or the present) to turn out ‘good’, whatever that might mean. Perhaps we simply endure so much pain and strife that we learn to appreciate anything slightly ‘better’ than the past.

That is how I feel. I’ve endured a shit ton of horrible and unfortunate events that I would rather have done with out, but I know that if I hadn’t I wouldn’t be who I am where I am. So who am I?

I don’t think there is a finite answer to that question. What I do know is this; I’ll never be the same person twice.